My personal birthing experience was so amazing, so beautiful and I was in so much control I walked out of the hospital feeling like Wonder Woman (granted I was walking like a cowboy). This is how every woman should feel after birthing. Especially if medical interventions are involved. Because if they are required the Mama has a choice. Not all hospitals make it seem that way which is why these three questions below are so important to ask :
I was out with a new friend. She is a wonderful Mama with two kids the youngest is the same age as my little dude. We had been out a few times and knowing she was a Mama second time round I assumed she had a good percentage of the answers. Obviously no single person has any of the actual answers when it comes to raising a human being but - you know it is nice to hold the illusion that we might.
On our second or third play date we were out and her little dude was N.O.T listening. If you haven't reached this stage it is like sending a Mama from chilled to enraged in under 10 seconds. It is so f**ing annoying! Like out of this world annoying. You know when you get one of those little scrappy pieces of skin that stick out of your nail and hurt like buggery (thinking about this typical Aussie phrase - kinda inappropriate). So really ANNOYING!
During their interaction my Mama friend said she would through away her son's toy car if he didn't do what she asked. It turns out she had used this threat before and never followed through. Consequently her threenager just kept on keeping on. She was standing next to a bin with the lid open and the car in the other hand with a three year old ignoring her and she looked at me (ME - first time Mama just making shit up as I go along) and said 'What do I do?'
'Throw. It. Out.'
'What? I've never done that before?'
'It's a Matchbox car, It costs like $2? Throw it out.'
'Really? He is going to have a massive tantrum. Can I just throw it out?'
'Yep. I do it all the time.'
So she threw it out. Into the bin. GONE! And Oh boy! Was there a tantrum. A BIG one. Really loud and angry and it was okay because we were in a children's area. We've all been there... right?!
The next time I saw her she thanked me for supporting her through that. She literally had never followed through on that threat. I on the other hand am a strong believer and saying what you mean and meaning what you say. I'm not saying that you should throw out ALL your kids toys but rather you should follow through. So if you can't throw out a toy then don't threaten to do it. Quite often in this scenario between me and my three year old the consequence I deliver is what I will do anyway. 'I want you to come inside. I will give you to the count of three or I will come get you.' I can follow through on that 100% of the time and I usually get to 3 and go to collect him when you gets his butt into gear.
My takeaways from this parenting lesson were that no matter how much experience you have you still need support. So even if you don't agree with the Mama throwing out her child's toy give her a kind word or a smile while she deals with the resulting tantrum. I also realised how important it is to set consequences that are realistic and achievable. Like really achievable - like if you don't get dressed we are leaving the house with you naked achievable.
Set yourself to succeed and you'll be setting your little person up to succeed as well.
What I learned from this is that you should never say never in parenting because one day you will be on the floor of your toilet promising ice cream and rainbow unicorns if they will just do a poo on the potty. Never is a specific time when the gods of parenting laugh at you while they test you to the absolute limit. Never will turn you into a hypocrite.